The last and most important phase of mating is the lover phase. You don’t become lovers until you become husband and wife, contrary to popular belief. God said to me, “A lot of people go straight from the stranger phase, directly to the lover phase and it’s for this reason that most people rush into matrimony, not holy matrimony—just matrimony with complete and total strangers. After the honeymoon is over, they look up one day and realize they hate the person they are married to, because they really never took the time to get to know the truth about who they really are.”

 

The lover phase of the relationship is directly tied to mating. Let’s see what the dictionary says about mating. “To join or fit together, to copulate.” This stage is tricky because you can be considered as someone’s mate while you are engaged. However, that does not mean you are considered someone’s lover in the eyes of God—that stage comes after the marriage ceremony. This is where most couples miss-the-mark and mess-up the whole relationship. The best way to illustrate mating is with Joseph and Mary, Jesus’ parents. (See Matthew 1:16-25)

 

If you study the text, you’ll see that Joseph was betrothed to Mary, which means they were engaged. Looking closely, you’ll see that it states that he had no sexual relations with Mary, who by now was his wife—until after she gave birth to Jesus. So, it stands to reason that if he didn’t touch her inappropriately after they were married, he had not touched her inappropriately before they were married.

 

In my mid-twenties I pledged to God that I wouldn’t let another man who wasn’t my husband touch me, I was celibate and honored to be honoring God again, but I wasn’t saved. I received that gift on Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 1996 after God had rescued me from a debilitating illness. Three months later, in February 1997, I met my ex-husband who was incarcerated at the time and when we were married. I was celibate in total for thirteen years while I waited for him to come home. Eventually, he did, and we consummated our marriage. What I didn’t know at the time was that I had waited all those years and had still given myself to the wrong kind of man.

 

After years of wondering when he was going to be a husband and watching him come and go, I filed for divorce during the month of our fifth anniversary. It broke me inside, and I ran into the arms of another man. The guilt of it all made me sick physically, emotionally and spiritually and I ran to church after one month with him and confessed my adultery before the church. I had messed up big!

 

I assumed that my ex-husband had committed adultery, but God told me straight out, that I was the adulterer at that time because our divorce was not finalized. He forgave me and then He began to save me from myself. I dated one more time after that, and I still didn’t get the picture.

 

When I broke up with that brother, God began to deal with me, and he used a book that I had been trying to avoid reading. I was actually trying to give the book away to my daughter, but she wouldn’t take it. It was by one of my favorite Christian authors, but I had no desire to read it. I was more interested in one of his other books instead, which was the one my daughter took. As it sat on my bookshelf it kept drawing my attention. Every time I walked past it, it seemed to call my name. After a few weeks of deliberate ignoring, I gave in and grabbed the book, nestled myself into a comfortable spot on the sofa and began reading. To my surprise it wasn’t long before the book began reading me and when I got to page three, I hurled the book across the room. I never picked it up again, until December 2017 after God revealed the book and the author and told me to check page three. Upon examination the word “desperation” was exposed. And so was I!