“Now there are distinctive varieties and distributions of endowments (gifts, extraordinary powers distinguishing certain Christians, due to the power of divine grace operating in their souls by the Holy Spirit) and they vary, but the [Holy] Spirit remains the same.”

 (1 Corinthians 12: 4, AMP)

 

 

Have you ever regretted that your gift wasn’t taken seriously? That’s one of the regrets I have about my childhood. I often look back at the missed opportunities for my gifts and talents to be nurtured. That’s not the sad part; the sad part is that those gifts and talents are still in me as untapped possibilities. I realize that as an adult it’s now my responsibility to bring them forth and over the years I have been doing so with God’s helping hands. But I wonder how much further along I would be if I were taken seriously as a child?

 

This brings me to think about the unnecessary battles with my parents over who I am, and what I am supposed to be doing in my life; that God has commissioned me to do by way of my gifts and talents. As parents we don’t always see the obvious in our children because we are looking at ourselves. We assume that our children are a direct reflection of us. But we forget that while they may have some resemblance to us, they are not us. They were not born to be us, or to emulate us. They were born for God’s purpose to glorify Him and edify the church, while winning lost souls to Christ. This doesn’t always take place in childhood, but it can if our children are nurtured correctly and pointed in the right direction.

 

Too often, as was the case in my childhood; parents are determined to raise their children as clones of themselves. They don’t understand that we were created as individuals, and for individual purposes that sometimes don’t match the vision our parents have for us. This is why most adults have regrets about their childhood.

 

I remember when I was about four years old; I wanted to play the guitar. From there my desire went to piano, and that’s where it stayed. To this day, I still have that same desire and I’ve attempted many times to teach myself how to play. At one point in my life at about age 10, I was allowed to take lessons, but they only lasted for about three weeks due to financial issues. I was crushed in my spirit because I knew it was something I was meant to do. It was one more defeat in the battle of trying to be me. Even as an adult, when I attempt to follow my calling, I am ridiculed. The running joke is “Who do you think you are, Ray Charles?”

 

I am not trying to become Ray Charles, although I would love to have just a mere portion of his musical giftedness. What I am striving to become, is an authentic me. I’ve said all of this to point out that as parents; it’s not our job to make our children anything. It’s our responsibility to pay attention and find out who God created them to be. If we are watching and listening, they will show us what God has placed in them.

 

He has placed in them preordained gifts and talents that need to be nurtured and developed. If we are getting to know our children for who they really are, instead of who we desire them to be, or are trying to mold them to be, per our own interpretation of what is best for them; then we will be able to help them along the path that God has chosen for them. Along that path, they will come into their own identity and purpose. I know that’s a scary thought because often; we don’t have any idea how to help them get there, so we help them along our path instead.

 

This might seem the easiest route to take, but it is leading our children the farthest away from their purpose and their own individual identity in Christ Jesus. And as a result, they are having an identity crisis. They are spinning their wheels trying to figure out who they are and why they are here. By the time they reach adulthood they should already know themselves pretty well, if they were nurtured properly. And they should have been operating in their gifts and talents if they were nurtured properly.

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Shelter, clothing and food are essential in raising a child, but the most essential thing we can give to our children that will be the most beneficial to their destiny is a sense of purpose. It’s not easy to let your child be themselves, especially when who they are doesn’t match who you are. But it is essential to let them be authentically individual. Point them in the direction of God and His purpose, and then assist them in becoming who God has created them to be; by nurturing their gifts and talents. You will be pleasantly surprised to know that your child has abilities you don’t even know about. They are the hidden gems of creativity lying within your child waiting to be brought to the surface. It’s your duty to help bring forth the purpose of God in your child so we all can enjoy the benefits.

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If you are not talking to your child, but only at them, you won't get the benefit of knowing who this special person in your life is. I speak from experience, understanding how most parents don't parent the child. They parent the younger version of themselves that they want to experience. This was true for me. My parents only discovered my writing gift when I revealed it to them through poems of appreciation that God inspired me to write to my family members as an act of forgiveness, so that I could let go of any anger towards them. I was 32 years old. 

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I urge you to please make an effort to get to know your children and grandchildren as the unique family members that have been placed in your life as gifts. Allowing them the supervised freedom to be the person that they are called to be, will bless them, and all the people they are called to impact. And consider this; they cannot be another version of you because you are the only unique version that God has created. Let them enjoy you while you enjoy them.