Years after my daughter was born, I was struggling as a mother. Although I wanted her, I was so unprepared to mother her. I felt like I was going to pull my hair out. I kept asking God for a husband so I could just be Mommy. I was fine with the financial aspect of parenting, and I was fine with the emotional aspects of it, but I couldn’t stand the aspect of having to be the nurturer and the disciplinarian. I felt like I was the “good cop” one day and the “bad cop” the next, and I didn’t always want to be the one to handle everything.

 

There were days when I just wanted to cuddle her and enjoy the girly things. Some days I just wanted to play in her hair and dress her up all neat and pretty. And some days I just wanted to gaze on the blessedness of her and enjoy her smile. But other days I regretted having to be so hard on her to ensure that she kept the respect for God, me, herself, and living right. And I regretted the days when I had to teach her to about the scary things in life.

 

I always hear women say, “I’m Mommy and Daddy,” and proclaim it as a badge of honor, but that’s not true. God did not design us for dual roles. And I was crying out in my soul for the release of a role and responsibility that wasn’t mine to carry. As much as I tried to do it all, at the end of the day; all I could be was Mommy.

 

It’s clear to me now, but that’s only because I got to experience firsthand that getting married doesn’t always change the family for the better. In my attempt to just be Mommy, I married a man that was not equipped to be a good daddy. And although my intentions to atleast give my child, a stepfather were good, the way I went about it wasn’t. And I did more harm than good.

 

It was after that fiasco that I realized; all I can be is Mommy, so I’m going to be the best Mommy I can be. After so many years of feeling like single motherhood was a curse; I learned, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up” (Psalm 27: 10, KJV). And that revelation set me free.

 

I stopped thinking of myself as both mother and father and began to enjoy just being Mommy, because I knew my daughter had a Father that was out of this world. Anytime I needed Him to discipline and correct her, He did. When I needed Him to provide for her, He did. And when I needed Him to teach her the right way to live, He did. Even when I couldn’t be with her, He was and still is.

 

I taught her about the Lord, and she gave her life to Christ at 16. He is the best Father I can give her as her mother. I couldn’t become the father that she needed, and I couldn’t give her an earthly replacement, but I could introduce her to someone that wanted to take the place of her absent father and love her like no other, including me. And while she got a Great Father, I got a Great Helping Hand to lead and guide the both of us. Hallelujah!!!

 

I know parenting is challenging, but the real challenge is, letting go and letting God help us. We were never meant to parent apart from Him, He gifted us with our children to parent them through Him. Just taking the step back from trying to be everything to my daughter, helped me to be what she really needed me to be the most, her loving mother. In doing that, I found out that God can and will pick up the slack and provide what we lack.