No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on,

however, it produces a harvest of righteousness 

and peace for those who have been trained by it.

(Hebrews 12:11, NIV)

 

Since we have addressed how a small child can be affected by being “spoiled” think of the effects this child will have to face as an adult. I’ve seen the negative effects of pampering or “spoiling” your child can have as the child becomes an adult. I’m sure most of us have known someone who seems to think that the world owes them something.

 

The truth is, this is because they never heard the word “No” in their childhood. I also know people who have given in one-too-many times to a child, and now that adult child is completely self-centered, irresponsible, or unprepared to function as an adult. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging or criticizing, I’m simply pointing out the fact; that as a parent. if we don’t prepare our children to become responsible adults who will?

 

“Spoiled” children turn into irresponsible adults who are needy and sometimes very greedy. They manipulate and calculate to get what they want. No, I’m not a professional authority, but I am a very observant parent and grandparent. I have seen parents stressed out by an adult child that refuses, or just doesn’t know how to take care of themselves. They mishandle their money, spend excessively, and refuse to accept “No” for an answer when they ask their parents to bail them out.

 

I have some of those kinds of people in my own family, and it’s not a good situation when you see how disappointed the parents are. They wonder what could’ve gone wrong. And although they complain about the adult child needing so much, they still give in and continue to perpetuate the problem.

 

The one thing that I’ve noticed that disturbs me the most is that the needy, and sometimes greedy adult child doesn’t care how the parent feels as long as their needs are met. It’s a vicious and selfish cycle that could have been avoided had the parents not given into the temper tantrums in childhood. They have let the child train them to give into them when they whine, stomp, scream, yell, threaten or curse.

 

The best way to combat the problem and save the child is to teach the child that although you love them, no one gets everything that they want. As the parents, God is holding us accountable for co-providing the needs; the wants are optional, contingent upon the parent’s desire and ability to provide them. As the parents of adult children, we are no longer responsible for their needs and anything we do for them should be greatly appreciated.

 

We need to teach our children the value of giving so they won’t think that life is all about their needs, wants, or desires. A family is best enjoyed when every member is concerned for the needs of each other. And no one person’s needs are being fulfilled at the expense of the others.

 

I understand that there are sometimes extenuating circumstances in families that might prompt parents to give more to one child over another. I was a child with health issues, so I needed a little more attention. But I never took advantage of my parents and I appreciated the extra care.

 

Loving our children is not the problem, training them to think selfishly is. Don’t confuse one with the other. Love blesses the giver and the receiver; it does not cause confusion or strife. We must train our children to care beyond themselves, so that when they become adults, they can care about others and themselves in a balanced way.

 

It’s okay to say "No” when you need to. But when you say it, mean it. You are the parent, and you know what’s best for your child. As a parent you have more wisdom and experience, so don’t let yourself be taken advantage of by someone who doesn’t. And the worst thing you can do is allow yourself to become a victim of a scam by your own child. Don’t get played.

 

I try to live by this motto, “Don’t let your mouth say yes, when your heart says no.” If giving to your child makes you feel regret, don’t give to them. Trust your instincts and let them wait or earn it for themselves. The Bible teaches us in 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV) “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

 

This is what responsible adults do. We can help them when we raise responsible children. Just remember “No” is not a bad word, especially when used in love. So just say “No,” God will back you up. Now, go and enjoy being blessed in your parenting.

 

Prayer:

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, please assist me in parenting. I love my child/children so much, that sometimes, I can't say no. I realize that this is hurting my child/children, and I don't want to be a part of their future pain, so strengthen me to give only when appropriate or necessary. Help me, to help them grow and be a responsible adult, who will make a difference in the lives of others; but especially in their own lives, and our family. Amen.