Almost nine years ago, just at the beginning of my journey toward becoming a suitable single, I had a very poignant encounter with a young man that changed my life. One morning, I was balancing my checking account when I noticed that I had been charged two overdraft fees. I had not checked my account in some days prior to that discovery, but when I did, I was livid.

I called the banks customer service line and on the other end of the phone answered a very polite, jovial young man. He seemed to be in his mid-twenties. I inquired about the fees and he explained that my account was overdrawn, and the fees were added due to the overdraft.

I did something I had never done before, I yelled at the young man, explaining that I had a small income and could not afford to have $70 taken out of my account. He did all he could to continue to explain the situation. I asked if the fees could be waived, and he politely said, “No.”

I became indignant and slammed the phone down, hanging up on him, but not before I noticed something about him. As I sat stupefied at my financial blunder, trying to figure out how I was going to rebalance my account with missing funds I didn’t have, my heart sank. At that moment it hit me in my spirit how that young man sounded before I hung up on him. His countenance was somber, and his tone was timid.

“You better call him back and apologize,” the Holy Spirit chided.

“How, I don’t even know his name?” I countered, realizing it had to be done. It was a holiday weekend and my heart just could not stand the thought of that young man being sad because of me.

Immediately, I called the banks customer service line and told the young lady who answered what had happened. “Ma’am, I don’t know the young man’s name, but is there any way you can find him and let him know that I apologize for the way I responded to him. His countenance was so cheerful, and he was just doing his job, it is not his fault that my account is in disarray. He was just trying to help me, and I yelled at him and hung up. Please let him know that I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make him sad.”

She took my name and told me that she would pass the message on. I sat for a few hours just replaying the event in my mind. Later that afternoon, my phone rang, it was the bank, and a young lady on the other end relaying a message from the young man, “Thank you.”

She also encouraged me stating, “We get those kinds of calls all the time, but no one ever calls back to apologize to us. We want to let you know that we’ve waived both overdraft fees and we also want you to know that we value you as a customer.”

Oh, I can’t begin to explain to you how relieved I was, and how humbled I was. God had somehow given me favor with the bank, and my account was balanced. That encounter was such a great lesson in relational and financial accountability. That young man and I were in a banking relationship, and instead of me taking responsibility for my financial incompetence, I blamed him (the bank) for it. When I did that, it affected our positive relationship, turning it into a negative relationship that was completely my fault.

Listen, to me please! And understand, that all our relationships are valuable gifts, but the marriage relationship is second only to the relationship we have with God. Why? Because it is the second most intimate relationship you can have with any human being. With God, we have a spiritual intimacy (oneness), but with our spouse, we have a physical intimacy (oneness). However, with God and our spouse, we also have intellectual intimacy and relational intimacy. How we relate to God and our spouse will determine the value we put into both relationships, and the value we will get out of both relationships.

If you notice that your relationships are thriving, it’s because you are sowing into them well. But if you notice that they are diminishing, it’s because you are not valuing them enough. Guess who is accountable, you.

Okay, take a breath, and repent. Then re-evaluate all your relationships in reference to how you sow into them. You will see a pattern that needs to be sustained or one that needs to be abolished. When you notice where changes need to be made, just understand that you are not changing them, but you.

Early in my relationship with my ex-husband he made a very valid point. We were discussing our expectations of togetherness when he added, “Just do for me what you would want done for you.”

Doesn’t that sound familiar, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets,” (Matthew 7:12, NIV).

Consequently, when we do wrong and neglect to take responsibility, we tend to pass the blame onto the other person in the relationship, making them the "scape goat." This can happen in any relationship (parent & children, friend, co-worker, or stranger). But the best way to present ourselves in any relationship is: to be authentic, trustworthy, reliable and accountable. This will give the people in our lives the best version of us and help us to maintain joyful relational fellowship.

Prayer:

Father, I apologize first to You for any relationships that I have messed up because I was so messed-up. Please help me to find the courage and the right words to apologize to others I may have hurt relationally. I desire to value the people in my life, but sometimes I can’t because I don’t always know how to value myself. Help me to see the value in myself, so I can pass this value experience on to others. In the name of my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen.