When I spent those eight years in intimate isolation with the Holy Spirit, He brought up one of the primary issues that needed to be exposed in me; it was the cost of being naïve. I was so naïve that I trusted anybody and everybody. But the Holy Spirit taught me that trust must be earned through integrity. It is a character trait, and a relational attribute for building meaningful and lasting relationships.

 

I was trusting blindly through believing words without requiring actions that authenticated who people were. I was not taking the time to watch, listen to and examine the people who I had let into my life. For this reason, most of my relationships were complete failures. Don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t always the men, it was sometimes me, or the both of us who messed it up. I even had friendships I messed up because I was not a person of integrity. In fact, back then, I didn’t even know what it was.

 

What I remember most about my early relationships was that I really didn’t know how to have relationships. I was so busy trying to survive, that I didn’t have the capacity to focus on having good, meaningful, purposeful relationships. I was physically ill, spiritually broken, and emotionally wounded which made me very afraid, timid, and desperate. All of these led me to blindly chase after love and affection for all the wrong reasons, and I did it naïvely.

 

I was walking through life with blinders on and it was wrecking my life. I was letting anyone into my life who wanted to be there. Kicking out people, after I realized they didn’t need to be there. And I was full of sorrow and regret because I didn’t know how to choose wisely who should be there in my life.

 

After attending eight years of Suitable Singles University under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I can honestly say, I believe I am renewed in my thinking, empowered in my being and wiser in my relating with other people. I am a different person, a new woman.

 

What I can tell you from the experience is that we can’t afford to be naïve about life, and especially about relationships. We all want people we can trust in our lives, but the only way to trust is through integrity. Dictionary.com defines integrity as: “noun

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty."

 

Integrity for me was a concept I had never heard about growing up and we never discussed “moral character.” We just blindly walked through everyday life hoping for the best, even in relationships. We gave as much as we could in our relationships, and we took as much as we could stand with our relationships. After the failures, we moved on in shame. But that’s not how relationships should be and that’s not how the outcome should be.

 

Being ill-informed and unprepared doesn’t help us in life. It’s God’s wisdom that we need the most. And its truth that assist us the most. Take a good look at your life and ask yourself, “Am I living life naïve, trusting blindly?” If you find that you are, please take the time to understand integrity and trust, they are two important relational foundations that must be adhered to for relational success. The only other foundation more important than integrity and trust is love. But to get to a relationship that is loving, integrity and trust must be present at all times.

 

Don’t settle for just mediocre relationships, make sure all of your relationships are rooted and ground in God’s love with integrity and trust leading the way. Ephesians 4:22-25 (NIV), reminds us how we should live as children of God, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

 

Reference:

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/integrity?s=t