Have you ever seen a child in the grocery store that was so defiant and disruptive that everyone noticed? Have you ever noticed that as soon as the parent gave into the child’s demands, the tantrum stopped? That’s what happens when children train the parents. It’s not something that we set out to do, but somehow, we end up giving into a frantic child.

 

Often, I hear people bragging about how spoiled their child is, like it’s a badge of honor, but the truth is being spoiled ruins the child’s life. When God opened my eyes about this, I took a deeper look into this “spoiled” thing.

 

Merriam-Webster defines the term “spoiled” as:

1. To damage seriously: Ruin.

2. To impair the quality or effect of.

3. To damage the disposition of by pampering.

4. To lose valuable or useful qualities.

This is a serious condition. And I’m sure no parent wants to “ruin” their child, whether by accident or on purpose. However, when we give our children everything they want, not considering what is best for them, we can ruin them.

 

If we never say “no,” we create a personality type that is self-centered and selfish. When this happens, the child will manipulate with tantrums, silence or violence to get what they want. They will tend to think that they are unloved because mommy or daddy said, “no.” Rather than understanding that love isn’t always a “yes,” it’s sometimes a “no;” because mommy/daddy knows what’s best for them.

 

Another issue that saying “yes” to everything can create, is a guilty complex for the parent. A parent that always says “yes” is a parent that can never say “no,” and therefore they will never be able to parent effectively. It’s okay to love your child with some gifts, but it’s not okay to raise your child with constant gift-giving because you are afraid they won’t like you; or because you are trying to overcompensate for your lack of parenting.

 

You are not called to be your child’s friend, but their parent. God gave you a hierarchal position that comes with great responsibility. Your child’s future and life is dependent upon your willingness to assess each situation and evaluate it for the appropriate response. A “yes” may not be what is appropriate when a “no” is needed. Love your child enough to say “no” when needed. They may not like you in that moment, but when they are older, they will thank you for your steadfastness.

 

A child allowed to run wild, be selfish, or take advantage of the situation for their own gain; is not a child that will enjoy a peaceful upbringing or life. The world will not cater to your child’s emotional outburst or tantrums, and your child will not have many respectable friends.

 

The bible says in Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Parents, and grandparents remember, a solid “no” given in love will protect your child and help you and society enjoy them as an adult. And they will also enjoy and appreciate you as the parent/grandparent that wasn’t afraid to give the loving, appropriate response.