Now that we understand that God is Love, Love is God in action and Love is representative of God’s character, we have to address how to overcome the hurts of the past with this same Love. I know it’s not easy. Actually, it’s probably one of the hardest things in the world to overcome. Hurt tends to stay with you and linger in your heart. It takes hold of you and refuses to let go. But God urges us to forgive just as we have been forgiven. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) states, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

 

While God was ministering to me about holy matrimony, He helped me to understand two of the biggest obstacles to choosing a suitable mate; hurt and unforgiveness. It’s hard to choose a suitable mate when your heart is filled with bitterness from past hurts. And it’s even harder to be a suitable mate when you are full of unforgiveness. For this reason, we must rise above the hurt. 

 

How can I just let it go when he/she/they hurt me so bad? And how can I just forget the pain he/she/they caused me? These are all valid questions to ask, and the pain that accompanies them is just as valid. However, the issue is not that you don’t feel the pain, but you must overcome the pain. The only way you can do this is by forgiveness. Wait!!! Hear me out because I had the same argument. So, I’m just supposed to forgive and forget!!! Yeah okay!!! 

 

I know how you feel, and I’m sympathetic. But forgiveness works, especially when you are on the receiving end. I struggled with forgiveness for years. I had been hurt by so many people in so many ways, that it left my head spinning and my heart torn to pieces. Yet when I saw how God overlooked all my stuff; the secret and the not-so-secret stuff, I finally understood forgiveness. It’s an act of mercy. God is merciful toward me because He knew that I was a sinner and sinners are hurt people that hurt people. When I looked at it that way, I was able to forgive the hurt people that hurt me. And even more so; I was able to forgive myself for the people I hurt and for hurting God. Most of the hurt we receive and give out is not intentional, but is a result of not knowing how to properly love. This is how God sees us and why He is so merciful to us.

 

Another important facet of forgiveness is healing. You can’t possibly go into a healthy relationship wounded? No! You will have to leave the past behind to move on into your destiny. One of the things that I have done since I began dating years ago, was allow myself to heal from the relationship before I dated anyone else. My rule of thumb is to give myself at least one year of healing time. In this time, you’ll have the space to assess the relationship. Not just the bad aspects of it, but the good aspects of it also, this will help you to get an accurate assessment of your part and his/her part in the failure of the relationship. I know it’s a scary thing to look back, but whatever you do, don’t run from this process. Let it teach you, sometimes you’ll find out that your mate isn’t always at fault, and there may be somethings about you that needs changing.

 

Some of the hurts that occur in our lives are often our own fault, especially when we jump into relationships unprepared or uninformed. This was an eye-opener for me. I just thought that because I was lonely, getting into a relationship was the obvious choice to combat the loneliness. Or that singleness was a curse and I desperately needed to get out of it. What I lacked was not a mate, but understanding. I was completely unprepared and uninformed. Nobody had ever told me about what a relationship was, or how it was supposed to work. I was clueless!!! God helped me to discover my purpose in love and this is what I’ll share with you next. 

 

Remember to forgive and you will be forgiven. Take time to assess your mess, let your heart heal and rise above the hurt.

 

 "He heals my broken heart and binds up my wounds [curing my pains and sorrows]” Psalm 147:3 (Amplified Bible).