The first time I heard the term “suitable mate” I was crying out to God when He told me my husband was going to walk away from me. I had supported him while he was incarcerated, and he was planning to walk away. I was furious and felt quite stupid that I had invested so much in a man who invested so little in us. It was during a conversation that I asked God, “What should I be looking for” and He replied, “A suitable mate.” 

 

Upon further investigation I inquired, “What’s that?”

 

He responded, “A suitable mate is a mate that is my son/daughter, who is ready for the responsibility of being a husband/wife.”

 

I thought, “That’s not my husband.”

 

Then God took me to school. I took mating 101 for 5 years, in total He spent eight years teaching me about Holy Matrimony and Suitability. My first lesson was to learn that although I was a child of God, I wasn’t exactly ready for the responsibility of being a mate. It is for this reason that I was unable to choose a suitable mate. Let me explain it the way God explained it to me. 

 

Before you partner with a suitable mate, you first have to become a suitable mate. From this standpoint you’ll be able to recognize a suitable mate when you see one. The problem for most of us, is that we don’t’ know how to recognize what a “suitable mate” looks like, acts like, talks like or walks like. And that’s why so many of us have found ourselves dating, marrying and mating with the wrong type of man/woman. And this can be devastating to families when the union ends.

 

The first thing to keep in mind is that, you attract that which you are. Basically, you reap what you sow. Galatians 6:8 (NLT) states it simply, "Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit."

 

Really!!! That old saying, opposites attract is only half true. God taught me that you may look opposite on the outside but, on the inside, you are exactly the same. The attraction is not so much from the outward appearance as we are led to believe, it’s more through the spirit man that we are drawn together. I didn’t quite understand it, and then I thought about it. My husband and I were from two completely different backgrounds and we had two completely different ways of living, yet we found each other. How? Because we both were in a place of neediness. 

 

Neediness is a byproduct of desperation and it will draw you to the wrong person every time. Guaranteed!!! Think back on how many people you’ve dated or the person you married. Was everyone around you asking, “What are you doing with him/her?”

 

My family was in shock and my friends were looking at me with a strange look of utter disbelief. But I didn’t know any better at the time. No one in my life had taken the time to teach me about dating, mating, or holy matrimony. It took an intervention from God to bring me to a place of understanding. 

 

Keep in mind that worthiness comes from Christ and anyone coming to share love with you must come by Him who is Love. This leads us to the important questions.

 

1. Does this person fit into God’s plan for your life? Forget what they did yesterday unless they are still doing the same thing today. God asked me, “Why do you mate based on past experiences? You should be choosing a mate who fits into your today and your tomorrow.”

 

2. Is the person willing and able to pray for you and with you? That’s serious because my ex-husband couldn’t, and it left me floored. He claimed to be a Christian, yet he never acted or lived like one. When I was weak, he simply left me that way. But when he was weak, I prayed for his strength and God answered my prayers. 

 

3. Is this person sowing good into your life? Not everyone has the capacity to sow good. Sometimes people enter our lives with ulterior motives. Don’t allow just anyone to sow into your life, and then God won’t have to spend years digging up harmful stuff from your soul. And do not take up residence or fellowship with anyone who is not of Love (God). If you do, just be warned that: Your 1 + his/her 1 will not equal= 2 getherness. 

 

The Scripture reads, “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:43-45, NIV).

 

4. Does this person come with their own strength or are they relying completely and totally on yours? Or even worse, are they trying to diminish yours? Do not allow anyone to inhibit your strength (this means they are weak, and they need to weaken you to appear to be strong). Abusers do this often. Users do it just as often. 

 

The Scripture also reads, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God…” (2 Cor. 6”7-16, NIV).

 

Your mate must be ready, willing, and able to marry:

a. Ready—God-centered (a child of God)

b. Willing—God-purposed (knows his/her responsibility and has made a place in his/her life for you—invites you into stability

c. Able—God-led (handles his/her responsibilities & can provide for you (Men) or assist you (Women)

 

As you embark on your journey you will come across many people, but only one kind is the right kind. The "God kind" is the right kind. Remember how God loves you and choose someone whose love for you matches God’s love for you. They may not be able to measure the kind of love God gives to you, but in Christ they should be able to match it, because God is love and He lives in them. We are mirrors of Christ, so you should be able to see Christ in him/her, if you don’t, run.

 

If you choose the right kind of mate you will be blessed in your choosing and in your marriage.