Now that we’ve learned that Love is God and if we say we have love we ought to act like God, it’s time to consider what happens when you’ve found the right kind of mate and married him/her. The only true advice I have is what God told me, “Never turn your back on your mate, because you will force him/her to go into self-preservation, and that will throw the relationship into an imbalance.”

 

When I thought about that it made me inquire more and I learned; selfishness breeds more selfishness. Basically what that means is that; when one mate starts thinking about his/herself instead of thinking about their mate and what’s best for the family relationship, a great divide is created. Division is the last thing that a relationship needs. But if you or your mate decide to become self-centered instead of relationship centered, then this will force the other mate to have to take care of his/herself. Now you have a relationship where both parties are self-centered; one because of the initial selfishness, the other because the other mate has turned away from them which forced him/her to fend for themselves in the relationship.

 

There are many causes, but one in particular comes to mind during the initial stages of marriage, unpreparedness. You’ve prepared for the wedding, but you haven’t prepared to be married. If you’ve been single for some years and you haven’t lived with a man/woman in the home for years, this is a big adjustment. Years ago, my dad had to come stay with me for a couple of weeks and boy was that an adjustment. It made me really think about the adjustment phase of marriage which can really challenge the relationship.

 

The Bible states, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:7-8, NIV)

 

That’s not so easy. Think about it. We all have certain ways of doing things that seem normal to us, but to a mate it may seem silly or unnecessary. My dad wanted to eat every three hours and all night long, which drove me nuts. I was sleepy, irritable and broke by the time he left, but I was quite aware that it’s different living with a man. It made me take inventory of what I would be willing to give up and let go of in marriage.

 

Blending two lives is more than just saying, “I Do,” it’s becoming one and that takes work. That’s where my ex and I failed in our marriage. He was doing him which left me to do me, and that doesn’t make for a successful union. We were more apart than together, and we had two separate visions and purposes. He wanted one thing, and I wanted another. He saw life one way, and I saw it a different way. That’s why it’s important to choose a suitable mate that fits into God’s purpose and plan for your life. And before you ask, yes, I was being submissive. That wasn’t the issue, the issue was that; we were unequally yoked which made for a constant battle; which created  constant division.

 

As a woman you can submit "until the cows come home" and that still won’t make the marriage successful if you and your mate are not on the same page. You’ll simple be submitting to what’s best for him/her, not so much for the relationship. And the danger with that is; not every man/woman understands the true nature or value of submission, so be careful who you choose.

 

One more thing, do this activity. Get a sheet of paper and describe your ideal mate (race, occupation, height, weight, characteristics…etc.). Then on the flip side of the paper describe who you are today. Stop and take a moment to reflect before you finish reading this.

 

Now disregard what you want in a mate because God will choose based on who He is creating you to be, not based on who you are creating your mate to be. The whole purpose of this exercise is to get you to understand who you are and then you’ll be able to choose God’s best for His purpose in your life. From this vantage point you’ll be able to become one with the mate who is like-spirited, like-minded and like-purposed. The Bible states in Amos 3:3 (NLT), “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”

 

That’s something to think about! So, stop and think about it! And make sure that you and your sweetie are like minded. Together seek biblical marriage counseling and talk to successful Christian couples about their struggles and their victories, they are all there to teach us. I pray that you’ll have good success in becoming, choosing and marrying a suitable mate. And also, in creating a healthy family. May God bless your holy matrimony.

 

Prayer:

Father, now that I have the proper biblical understanding of how you see holy matrimony, please help me to become the suitable mate that I need to be to bring loving, righteous value to the relationship with the suitable mate You will help me choose. And together, help us to become the couple that glorifies You, our union and our family in Your will. Help us never to forget that we are one, not just with each other, but we are a part of the three stranded cord created by oneness with You. Our “I Do” is not just to each other, but it is also to You. And please help us to remember, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

 

Thank You, for being our strength!!! In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.